Submissive Then, Submissive Now

BDSM
2008-01-22

Then
 
Sexuality is a strange, confusing, and interesting thing.   From the memories of my earliest sexual experiences when I was a boy, to my current age of 21 I have always found that I am submissive to women.   I think back to those early memories, my play times with my young female friends (one in particular, but we will come to that) and I see in surprising obviousness my sexual tendencies.   Though of course I did not even know what sex was when I was young, much less what being sexually submissive meant.   It is only in retrospect that I am able to understand those feelings I remember having.   I have always been blessed with a fine memory.   I do not remember the first steps I took, but I do remember stumbling forwards towards the outstretched arms of my grandparents as they first witnessed my burgeoning mobility. Suffice it to say, I remember in full color detail some of my earliest sexual experiences.
I was very young when my mother, father, and I moved to a small town in Minnesota.   I remember the first person I met and became friends with.   She was a petite girl 1 year younger than I named Anne Skeem.   Anne and I were introduced to each other my first Sunday in Minnesota at the church my parents had chosen to attend.   I’d heard, and even engaged in and been the target of, teasing remarks saying “so and so has a crush on so and so,” or the old classic “sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. ”  However I had never experienced a crush until I met Anne.   Starting at that moment I had a crush on Anne that lasted for years and years and has sustained even to this day, however I would no longer describe it as a crush.   We would play together at each other’s houses, though normally hers.

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    Like me Anne is an only child.   Her room was in the basement of her house and virtually the entire basement was her playroom.   Also her father was almost never around as his job took him out of town frequently and extendedly.   Her mother, who was normally home, often didn’t bother us one bit while we were playing in the seclusion of the basement, and play we did.
I remember the first time Anne invited me into the bathroom with her when she had to urinate.   We were talking and instead of breaking off the conversation she invited me into the room with her.   I watched as she pulled down her pants and panties with cartoons on them, exposing all of her young self bellow her waist to me.   I watched as she sat down on the toilette and relieved then wiped herself.   I remember asking why she had to wipe even though she had only peed and she showed me how her urine could drip onto her vagina and get wet marks in her panties.   She asked “don’t you have to wipe when you pee?” She knew I didn’t, and I knew she knew.   She wanted me to pull down my pants and let her watch me pee.   I obliged, and demonstrated to her how I just shake the remaining drips of pee off the end of my penis.   We knew what we were doing was wrong though we didn’t know why.   Boys had the boys room and girls had the girls room and that was how it was supposed to be.   We knew we were different physically but we didn’t know why it mattered, only that the adults told us it mattered.

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    When we came out of that bathroom we were both blushing quite profusely, though it was not the last time we watched each other use the toilette.
Another game we often played was a tickle game.   Basically we would just tickle each other until one gave up…I always gave up first.   Not that I couldn’t beat her in the tickle game, I just didn’t want to.   I was bigger than Anne, though I was always a rather scrawny child I was a year older than Anne and I was a boy.   Nonetheless I would always let her win.   We’d roll around on her large sofa and the floor and when we were done she would always sit victoriously on top of me while I lay prone on the ground.   Then she would force me to do things under the threat that she would start tickling me again.   I complied quite willingly but I of course made it seem as though I was afraid of those slender fingers poking my sides.   The things she made me do were mild but as I think back on them I realize just how sexual they were.   She would get her underwear out of her room and force me to wear it over my pants.   One time she even tried putting an old tutu she had on me.   It was a little too small and she struggled for several minutes, sitting on top of me pulling the tutu up to my waist all the while the part between my legs pushing against my penis making me erect.   She gave up and when my erection went down I remember saying to her “too bad you gave up, ‘cause I think they’d fit. ”  She resumed her position and continued her efforts and I enjoyed it thoroughly.

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Another time after she had won our latest game of tickle she sat on top of me trying to think of what she wanted me to do this time.   I remember her looking at my face, no, not my face, my mouth.   “I know” she said and she bent over and took off her white cotton sock.   As she did it turned half inside out.   I remember seeing a small black thing on the inside of the sock, a piece of dirt, perhaps even a dead bug, who knew?  All I know is that if it were any other person’s foot that sock had come from I would have been thoroughly disgusted, but this sock came from Anne.   She flicked off the black thing as she moved the sock towards my face.   “Open up” she said, and I did.   She didn’t just place the sock in my mouth, no, she shoved it in as far and as hard and she could.   It tasted of fabric and salt and was still moist from the sweat of her foot.   If it were any other person’s foot that sock came from…but it wasn’t, it was from Anne’s foot, and I loved it.   There were other things she would do. Sometimes she would take the large brown cushions off of the sofa and tell me to lie down on my stomach.   Then she would place the cushions on top of me and sit down on them and placidly watch T. V. while I feigned discomfort and pretended that I couldn’t breathe properly.

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    The truth was, however, that there was no place I’d have been happier than underneath Anne, feeling her weight press over my whole body through those cushions, particularly how it pressed my pelvis into the floor.   I would adjust my penis so that it was taking a good amount of pressure from her weight and I would get an erection.  
When I entered 4th grade and she 3rd our friendship began to diminish.   I’m not sure if my crush on her made me too shy to be around her anymore but I suppose it’s a possibility.   I started to get new friends and as 3rdth grade were in two different buildings Anne and I started to drift apart.   When we got to middle school our friendship started picking up again.   We were good friends all through high school and still are, though we don’t see each other much as our respective colleges are a good 7-8 hours away from each other.   Anne still remains the pinnacle of my sexual ambition.   She was the beginning and remains my ultimate fantasy…maybe someday, someday. and 4
These events helped to shape my whole sexuality.   Though I believe I must have been born submissive to women, Anne was my earliest outlet of that desire and indeed the earliest provocateur of sexual desire within me.   At the age of 13 when I first started masturbating, before my body could even produce semen (I had orgasms but what was released seemed to be nothing more than urine, I remember being surprised when it started turning white and getting sticky) I would always think of Anne.   The reoccurring fantasy was that she had me tied to a bed, on my back and totally naked.

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  She would then take off her panties and just start rubbing my penis with her hairless vagina.   Anne has always been at the forefront of my sexual desires ever since.

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    In almost all of my sexual fantasies where I am being submissive towards women Anne is my mistress.   Even my taste in women is strongly influenced by Anne.   I like “tom boys” with petite athletic bodies, small breasts, beautiful smiles, and big round screamingly seductive eyes.   These are characteristics that are obvious in Anne.   I don’t know if all those experiences in my youth with Anne were for the better or worse, but I do know that if enjoying them was wrong, then I was a bad little boy.
 
 
Now
It was one week before I had to go back to college for what was to be my senior year.   I’d wasted away most of my summer playing video games, diddling around on the guitar, and spending time with the few old friends who remained in my home town.   Among them was my best friend from high school Tom.   Tom is something of a mechanic at an auto dealer where he works with a kid named Jeremy.   Tom is my age where Jeremy is one year younger, we all went to the same school but I never really knew Jeremy.   It was Monday night and Tom asked me if I wanted to come over to help him put a stereo in his car (which consisted of me playing fetch with his dog and talking to him while he did all the work as I know nothing of how it’s done. )  After he finished he asked if I wanted to go bowling with he, Jeremy, and Anne in about a half an hour.   I said that I did and went home to get some socks and money.   I didn’t know what Anne he was talking about until I got back and saw Anne Skeem sitting in the back seat of Jeremy’s jacked up new Chevy diesel.   “I didn’t know you were in town” I said as I made the leap to enter the back seat of the big truck.

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    “I just got in today, I have a doctors appointment tomorrow at 1:00” Anne replied.   It was nice seeing Anne, I hadn’t seen her probably since last summer.   She looked much the same as I remembered her; slim, small but beautiful breasts, perfectly shaped round ass, a pretty white toothed smile, and eyes that could melt the heart of the coldest man.
We went bowling and afterwards went to Jeremy’s house to watch a movie.   I drove my car behind Jeremy in his truck as Tom had been drinking a good deal and would need a ride home.   About halfway through the movie Anne mentioned that she could really go for some French fries.   I kept it in mind and after the movie I said “Well I suppose I’ll head out now, you wanna’ come with me Anne?  I’ll stop by McDonalds. ”  “Sure” she replied.   I woke up the now passed out Tom and the three of us got in my car and drove to McDonalds.   After getting some food I proceeded to drive my two friends home.   Tom and Anne only lived about 50ft from one another.   I dropped Tom off first and helped him into his house and then drove around the corner to drop off Anne.   I pulled into her driveway and stopped.   “What are you up to now?” she asked.   It was only 1:30am.

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    “Well I guess I’ll probably go home and play some video games or something, why?”  “I was just thinking” she replied.   “Thinking about what?” I asked.   “I noticed you looking at me all night” Anne said with a hint of seduction in her voice.   When I heard this my heart literally stopped beating.   ‘Was that a come on delivered to me from the girl I lust after more than anyone?’ I wondered to myself.   I had been looking at her all night, staring at her beauty when I didn’t think she would notice.   “Sorry, you’re just too sexy for me to resist” I said; I’m somewhat fond of overly cheesy lines.   I expected her to roll her eyes, smile, and say goodnight.   What she did say threw me for a bit of a loop.   “I know you can’t resist me, and you don’t want to.   Want to come in?  I feel like maybe watching another movie” she said and exited my car and walked into her house before I could even answer her.
I was a little taken aback and perplexed by her unexpected reaction, I turned off the car and followed her into her house.   The house was devoid of other people; both of her parents were gone for the next few days she had mentioned earlier in the night, I hadn’t thought much of it then.   We went to the basement and she put in a movie.   It was all just how I remembered it from years past, it seemed as though nothing had changed.

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    It brought back some great memories.   Anne and I sat next to each other on the big brown sofa and her strange response back in the car had faded out of my mind.   About a half an hour into the movie I had managed to move ever so slowly across the sofa so as now I was sitting right next to Anne, our hips touching.   I put my arm back behind the sofa in a juvenile attempt to discreetly put my arm around her.   “Now just what are you trying to do?” she asked in a teasing voice.   “Oh nothing” I said with a sheepish and totally transparent grin.   “Oh I don’t think so buster” she said and poked me in the side right below the ribs (she remembered where I was vulnerable to tickling), I wretched over and started trying to poke her back.   She pushed me onto my back and kneeled over me, her left knee between my legs and ever so slightly pressing against my crotch.   That was enough to make my head spin.   I could feel the blood pumping into my penis and my efforts to hold her poking fingers at bay became meek and insignificant.   In a fit of passion I lost control and grabbed her by the waist, I wanted her and I’d just made a move that was perhaps a little over zealous.   I played it off and a counter to her tickling; I grabbed her more firmly and rolled us both off of the sofa and onto the floor where we resumed our struggling.   As always, I let her win and she sat now victoriously on my abdomen while I begged her to stop tickling me.  
She straddled me, all of her weight resting on my belly.   She rocked back and forth a little while laughing at my submission to her.

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    “I noticed this has made you somewhat excited” she said in regards to my very erect penis.   I don’t exactly have a small penis so when it’s erect it’s hard to hide.   “What can I say, you excite me” another cheesy, lame response.   “So you want me to stop tickling you eh?” she asked.   “Yes” I lied “I’ll do anything you want me to” not a lie.   “Well I want to see this thing” she said and grasped my cock firmly through my trousers.   I was caught off guard and gasped in a short breath of air.   She stood “stand up and strip” she said.   I did as I was told.   It didn’t take long, I was only wearing a t-shirt and a pair of shorts with no underwear.   I let my clothes fall to the floor and Anne looked at my naked body.   “Now this just won’t do” she said.   “Go into the bathroom, there’s a razor and some shaving cream sitting on the sink, shave off all that stuff on your cock and balls. ”  I thought that a strange command but I turned towards the bathroom and did as I was told.   As soon as I came out of the bathroom door I was struck by a cupped hand right in my crotch.

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    Anne grabbed my balls and squeezed tightly.   The pain struck me and my knees buckled slightly but I was even more surprised by what I saw.   Anne was wearing nothing but a black leather bra and a short black leather skirt that came only about 6 inches down her thighs.   “You’re mine tonight bitch” she said “on your knees” and she squeezed harder.   I’m not sure if I choose to go to my knees or if the pain in my testicles caused my knees to fold, either way I was where she wanted me.
In her left hand she held a pair of shiny metal handcuffs; she walked behind me and cuffed my hands behind my back.   “Open up” she said and from behind she put a gag into my mouth and fastened the strap behind my head.   The gag stuck about 3 inches into my mount and was shaped like a penis.   Then she pushed my head forward and with my arms restrained behind my back my head hit what was thankfully a shaggily carpeted floor.   With one bare foot she stepped on the back of my head to hold me down.   “And now for the element of control” she said with a devious sounding giggle.   I felt her finger with something very slimy on it press against my rectum.   She was lubing up my ass.   I had never had anything put in my ass so I was a little worried at this point.   I started to say something in protest momentarily forgetting about the penis gag in my mouth so all that came out was a muffled “mfffm hmmmf.

 

  ”  “You will speak only when I tell you to bitch” Anne said and put a good deal of weight onto the back of my head.   She probably doesn’t weigh very much more than 120lbs but that feels like a lot when it’s on your skull.

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Just then I felt something cold and hard press against my ass.   It felt like metal but I wasn’t sure.   It was big, and she was pressing it hard, but slowly into me.   The widest part of it entered me and it was in.   “This is an electronic butt plug” she said.   “Stand up so I can demonstrate it. ”  She removed her foot from my head and I awkwardly stood with my arms still behind my back.   As I stood the walls of my anal passage squeezed onto the bug plug, I felt totally full in a way I cannot adequately describe.   “It has 10 settings; we’ll start with setting 4 and go from there.   This is what you will receive when you disobey me. ”  She pressed a button on a small remote she was holding and my world was lit on fire.   I felt painful electricity shoot through my ass and all throughout my genital area and stomach.   I dropped to the floor and writhed in pain.

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    Even though it hurt it was also stimulating my prostate and my penis became rock hard in no time.
“Had enough bitch?” she mocked me.   I nodded my head frantically up and down and did my best to mumble “yes” through the gag which was now causing me to drool profusely.   She let the device go for a few more seconds.   Then she cranked it up, to what setting she didn’t tell me.   The sensation was so intense I could do nothing.   The muscles in my body flexed.   All of me went rigid and I almost came but she turned off the device with not more than a few seconds to spare.   I lay there in the fetal position at her feet just trying to regain my composure.   I could think clearly enough but my body didn’t want to comply.   When I finally managed to sit up Ann placed a collar around my neck.   With a leash attached to the collar she pulled me up onto my feet.  
“We still need to finish this movie” she said and she walked me over to where we’d been sitting when this all began.   The movie had continued to play all the while.   She positioned herself to sit on the sofa and stood me in front of her, facing her.

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    She put the leash between her legs and held it behind her back.   She sat down and as she did she sat on the leash and it pulled me down a bit.   “On your knees” she said.   I obliged and knelt before her.   I could now see that there was a small black thong underneath her leather skirt.   “Remove my underwear bitch” she commanded.   “You may use only your mouth. ”  She removed my gag and I dove my face between her thighs and began the task of removing her panties.   “For every minute my panties stay on I turn the plug up one notch. ”  After a minute of me trying to get a grip on her panties with my teeth (completely soaking her inner thighs with my saliva in the process) she turned the plug onto setting one.   This was not so much pain as a minor discomfort.   It caused a warm feeling in my anus and a tickling sensation throughout my genitals.   Luckily I managed to get her panties off without the plug being turned up any higher.   As soon as I had removed them she yanked on the leash forcing my face right into her pussy.
“Eat me, slowly and smoothly.

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  ”  She wrapped the leash around her arm and I could not move my face more than half an inch away from her vagina.   My world was encompassed by her crotch and I sunk my tongue as deeply as I could into her sweet, wet pussy.   For half an hour until the movie was done I sat there on me knees eating Ann.   My knees were throbbing, my back was tired, and my tongue felt like it was going to fall off.   I never even got her to come; she sat there placidly watching the movie the whole time.   Finally she allowed slack into the leash.   I leaned back on my haunches and breathed deep my first breath of fresh air in 30 minutes.   “Hmmmm, well done bitch” she said in a low satisfied voice.   She then replaced the gag in my mouth, there was really no need; my tongue was too tired to talk anyway.   She stood, straightened her skirt and I stood up next to her.   As soon as I’d gained my feet her knee came shooting up into my crotch.   She smashed my balls and I dropped like a sack of potatoes.   She had restrained herself, it was not an incredibly powerful shot.   It was enough to make me feel like I was going to throw up, a feeling not helped by the gag which teased the back of my throat.   “You will stand when I tell you to stand, is that understood?  Now stand up.

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  ”  I attempted to stand but my legs had not yet recovered.   I felt a surge of electricity pulse through my ass as she cranked on the plug.   “STAND!” she commanded and turned the plug up another notch.   “STAND BITCH!” and the plug was turned up again.   I finally managed to rise, not incredibly easy with my hands still cuffed behind my back and a pain in my stomach causing me to hunch over.   I stood in front of her, bending a little at the waist.   The plug made my legs feel like jello and my cock was fully erect.   “Stand up straight” she said.   I did, trying to ignore the feelings of pain (and pleasure) coursing through my body.   “Now stay standing straight or this plug gets turned up, it’s only at 3 right now. ” 
Then she did something I had not expected.   She started kissing my neck.   She sucked hard and bit me lightly.   She started working her way down my nude body.   She kissed me all over my chest, sucking and biting on my nipples along the way.

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    It took all the strength I had to keep my back straight through her tormenting.   She kissed down past my chest and to my stomach at which point she was bent over enough that I could see her beautiful ass sticking out of her short skirt.   I wanted it so badly but I made sure I kept rock still.   She went to her knees and worked her lips lower and lower on my body until she had reached my raging hard penis.   She didn’t touch it, she merely blew onto it.   The feeling was amazing and I couldn’t help but bend slightly at my waist as a muffled moan of ecstasy left my mouth.   ‘Click’ and the plug was turned up one notch.   The hot feelings of electricity increased in my body.   I could feel it down my legs and into my stomach now.   I felt very ready to orgasm; as if she’d read my thoughts Anne said “don’t you dare come until I tell you that you may. ”  I tried to clear my mind and subdue the feelings of oncoming orgasm building within me.   Then Anne took me into her mouth.   I thought it was hard to stand straight before, this made it almost impossible but I somehow managed to control myself.   Her moist, soft lips wrapped around the head of my penis and her tongue flicked over the hole.   She started to slowly and shallowly move her lips back and forth along my cock.

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    She made it incredibly moist with her saliva which only made her light pink lips feel smother and softer on my sensitive skin.   Then she lightly grabbed the back of my shaft with her hand and started to slowly pump it back and forth.   With her other hand she cupped my balls and I lost control.   “UUUUUUNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG” I screamed through the gag and my semen shot into her mouth and onto her face, from which it dripped onto her chest.   I had no idea that much semen could be stored in my testicles.   It just kept coming and coming, a solid 10 pumps in total.   It was the best orgasm I’ve ever had, never prior, and never again.   
My orgasm was so powerful I collapsed in a heap on the floor.   My energy was gone and my body was weak.   “You are a very bad little boy” she said in an amazingly seductive voice as she delicately scraped some of my semen off her lip with her finger and held it to my face.   “Clean me” she said.   I opened my mouth and sucked my own come off of her smooth finger.   It was warm and tasted of salt and bitter.   “Clean all of me” she said and she sat cross legged on the floor in front of me.   She turned off the plug and I ever so slowly drug my limp body over to her.

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    I started on her beautiful chest.   Licking and sucking my come off of her soft skin, her beautiful little pink nipples.   I moved to her chin, then to her cheek and finished with the bit still left on her lips.   After I’d imbibed every drop of my semen she embraced my lips in a powerful kiss.   She pulled my tongue into her mouth and sucked it hard, I returned the favor.   She stood, I stayed sitting.   “At least you can learn, but I’m afraid you must be punished for coming without permission. ”  She pulled me up by the leash and led me into her room; I looked at her bed and saw a series of ropes at the head and foot.   Her bed was the bottom of a bunk bed, the top bunk was empty but hanging from the side was a metal loop hooked to the frame.   She walked behind me and unlocked one side of the handcuffs.   She led me over to her bed and ran the unlocked handcuff through the metal loop and then relocked it onto my wrist.   My hands were fixed slightly above my head.   From behind me she then placed a blindfold over my eyes.   “Now for your punishment” she said, I prepared myself as best I could and waited for the reward I’d earned for disobeying my mistress.
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