My Lover

Gay
2005-10-31

He gave me a quick look as if to say "Get the fuck out man!", but he was so close to coming he couldn't say anything. I just stood there and watched him as he yanked harder and harder on his big cock, finally letting out a grunt and spewing cum all over the picture and his hand. Wow, I thought, that's alot of cum. I had unconciously grabbed my own cock while witnessing this sexy scene, and was squeezing it as I listened to him catch his breath and breath a big sigh of relief after coming. Then his voice snapped me back into reality. "You just fucking walk in? What's wrong with you man? Get out!"I had totally forgotten why I'd entered his room in the first place. I was still in a bit of a dreamlike state after seeing him jack like that, come like that. After seeing how sweaty he got when he was on the brink of orgasm. I still had my hand on my own cock. "Wow, Kevin. That was so sexy. "I was really surprised by how sexy it was to me. I had had some fantasies about him before, but after seeing him in all his erect glory I then truely had a craving to feel his cock, and to have him feel mind. "What man", he started, "you a fag?"I wasn't too clear on the definition of a fag at that point, I knew I liked to get off, and I too looked at pictures of girls, but I found this to be much more arousing. I had watched my brother before, when he'd walk around in his boxers and nothing else, and found myself really get excited about it. And I'd lain in bed many nights thinking about him.

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   What it would be like for him to lay next to me. "No, I'm not a fag", I managed to say pretty defensivly. But then my eyes met his, and I saw the anger and embarressment fade from them. "I don't know, man. I just know that you looked awesome jacking, and I couldn't stop watching you. And that you gave me a big hard-on. "I watched his eyes move down to the buldge in my jeans as I stood in front of him. He patted the bed next to him inviting me to sit down. I was feeling like my fantasies may be on the verge of becoming reality. I sat on my brother's bed next to him and looked at him. His cock was soft now, there was a pair of boxers on the floor that he'd used to wipe the cum off his hands with. I picked them up and smelled them, as I rubbed my cock with my other hand. "Wow that's a little wierd man", he said, but he didn't say it in a mean way. "You've never thought about my cock?""Um, well," he started, "well I guess I have. So you've been thinking about mine?""For a long time", I admitted.

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   I had by then unzipped my jeans and taken out my meat, and was starting to rhythmicly jack it. I stared at my brother. "Man you are so hot. I think about you alot. I think about what your dick feels like, and what it would feel like if you touched mine. "I was feeling bolder about the words I was saying, and he seemed more comfortable with me saying them. I sat there and jacked my cock as my brother watched me. This was like a dream to me. I scooted closer to him on the bed, and put my hand on his dick. I moved my leg a bit so that the tip of my cock touched his leg as i jacked it. Just that feeling of his flesh on my cock nearly made me come. I started massaging his cock and felt it start to grow. I had never touched anyone's dick besides my own. And now I was touching one that I'd wanted to touch for a long time. As I stared at his cock I began trying to imagine the taste of it.

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   It made me start to salivate, just the thought of tasting him. "Have you ever had your dick sucked?""No, but go ahead if you want. "I was really surprised by that response, but really happy that he seemed to want me. There was no hesitance when he said that. I dropped to my knees between his naked legs. They were hairy and muscular, almost like a grown man's. Even though he was only 16, he did have the build of a grown man. He was taller and more filled out than me, and he worked out on a regular basis. I took his half-hard cock into my mouth and held onto his thick thighs as I sucked my first cock. I heard him groan as I took his whole dick into my hot mouth. He reflexivly grabbed my head and pushed his dick further into my mouth. It was salty and sweaty tasting, and the smell of sweat and cum in his crotch was intoxicating. He started to hump my face and I continued holding onto his thighs, and slowly let my hands slide around his back, holding his groin to my mouth. "Fuck man, that's awesome. .

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  mmm oh yeah. . you're mouth feels so good!"I loved hearing this. My cock was so hard now, I felt the tip of it rub the side of the mattress every time he thrust his cock in my mouth. I wanted so badly to jack myself then, but I held out in hopes of something more gratifying than my hand on my cock. He groaned really loudly then and grabbed my head hard with both hands, and forced me all the way down on his dick. He started shooting hot jets of cum into my throat, his dick throbbing and spasming all the while. I held him tightly around his back and drank all of his juice. I couldn't believe how good it was, it was better than my fantasies for sure. After he had shot all his load in my throat I pulled slowly off his sensative cock. He flopped straight back onto the bed, breathing heavy. "Goddamn, man! That felt so good. "I stood up and took my rock hard dick in my hand and started jacking it above him. After a minute of his breath slowing back to normal, he sat back up on the edge of the bed and took my cock into his mouth. What a feeling! It was so hot and wet, and his tongue moved up and down the length of my dick like a snake.

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   I couldn't imagine that this was his first time. I had one hand on his head and the other held my shaft as I fed him my cock. He put both hands around me and grabbed my ass as he hungrily sucked me. I didn't know if this was a heat-of-the-moment manuver or if he really liked it, but it didn't matter too much right then. "Ohh yeah bro! Suck me good man!"He was, too. Better than I ever imagined. I felt the cum start to well up in my balls, and start to rise into my cock. I shot my load into my brother's wanting mouth, and he sucked it up like a starving animal. I ejaculated 6 or 7 big squirts of cum in his throat, I'd never felt anything so good. I pulled my cock slowly from his wet lips, and flopped down on his bed beside him. I couldn't speak for a moment. I looked over at my brother, who had laid back beside me, and as his gaze met mine we both smiled. There was so much going around in my head, so much I wanted to say to him. How I'd been dreaming of this for so long, how I fantasized about him when I jacked off in the shower, how attractive he was. .

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  but instead of just blurting out those things I kept quiet. He must have seen it all in my eyes though. He rolled onto his side and put his hand on my shoulder, and then came forward to kiss me full on the mouth. My mouth opened and his tongue slithered around on mine. He kissed me deeply, and as he did I held onto him tight and kissed back. We lay like that for some time, kissing and rubbing each other. For a while niether of us said anything. We both were caught up in the passionate moment and felt no need for words. But after him kissing me like that I knew I would be safe to say the things I held back from saying earlier. "Man, that was perfect. It was better than I ever imagined," I said. "Oh yeah? So you've been thinking about doing this?"Then I couldn't help but to spill my guts to him about the way I felt. "Kevin, I think you are so hot. I have for a long time. I guess maybe I am gay, because I'd much rather look at you when I get off than a girl.

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   I had been wishing for so long that we shared a room, a bed. Sometimes I feel crazy because I want to be next to you so bad!"Ok, I'd said it. There was no taking it back. Now he knew how I felt, and I wondered how that made him feel. He squeezed me tightly in his arms and didn't say anything. We held each other close, giving each other little kisses on the face and neck. He reached up and ran his fingers through my hair, and I buried my face into his neck. He reached down and pulled a blanket over us, and we fell asleep with our naked bodies pressed together in a passionate embrace. I felt so comfortable with my big brother's arms around me. I felt like I was home at last. Kevin and I continued our secret relationship throughout the rest of the time we lived with our parents. To the best of our knowledge no one ever knew. We both tried normal teenage dating, but it was quite clear to both of us that we just wanted to be with each other. Our parents spent many nights out of the house, which we thought was perfect so we could carry on without the fear of being walked in on. But on nights they'd stay home, we'd go out and find places to be alone together.

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   It was shortly after that first experience we had when he fucked me for the first time. It was something I had been eagerly anticipating. Our bedrooms were right next to one another, and when our parents came home from a late night out they would never look in on us. We would always be sleeping together on those nights. After our parents had left for their evening out, we both went up to my room and undressed quickly and got into bed. We would always start out in the same fashion, kissing and rubbing each other, sucking on each other's nipples and squeezing each other's cocks. This night I could tell he needed more than what we had been doing to this point. He held me tightly and our hard cocks rubbed together. He had both his hands on my ass, and started probing my hole with his fingers. I arched my back twords his fingers and moaned. He knew how badly I wanted him inside me. I rolled over on my back and spread my legs wide for him. He straddled my face, his huge purple dick right by my mouth, and put his mouth on my asshole. He drilled his tongue deep into my tight hole, and after tongue-fucking me and getting me nice and wet, he started inserting a finger into me. I was so hot.

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   His big cock in my face and his finger in my ass. I could hardly stand it, it was so good. He then pushed another one of his big fingers in me and started fucking them in and out of my hole. I thought I was going to come right then. My cock rubbed on his hairy chest as he finger fucked me in this sixty-nine position. "Are you ready?" he asked. "Oh yeah man, I wanna feel you in me. "He turned himself around on me and got between my legs. His dick looked like it was going to rip, it was so hard. He spit on his fingers and rubbed it onto his cockhead, and I raised my legs up for him. With one hand he pulled my asscheeks apart, and with the other he started guiding his cock into me. The head was so enormous. For a second I almost chickened out, it was stretching me so painfully, but my passion was so high. I had to have him in me. He slowly pushed further into me, looking down at me as he did.

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  "Is it ok?""Yeah, keep going. " I said that through clenched teeth and I was sweating unbeliveably. "You tell me if it's too much man", he said, "I don't wanna hurt you. "He pushed further up in me until I felt his balls on my ass. He was all the way in. He was still for a minute before he started fucking me, to make sure I was still ok with it. Alot of the initial discomfort had subsided the deeper he got, and I felt the head of his big dick rubbing something in my ass. It was so good! He started fucking me faster, with quick deep strokes. As he slid his cock in and out of me his belly rubbed against my hardness, and between that and his fucking me I lost it. "Oh shit I'm comin'!" I said, grabbing him hard. As I shot my load all over both our bellies I felt how tight my ass got around his big dick. It was enough to make him come hard too. He grunted and slammed his meat in me as far as it would go. I felt his cock spasm and spray inside me. It was incredible.

 

   He grabbed me hard by my shoulders as he came in my ass, grinding his hips harder, trying to get further inside me. When he finished ejaculating, he collapsed on top of me. I wrapped my legs around his back and kissed his neck. "Oh man, that was so good", I said. "Fuck yeah it was. You know, you're mine now," he said in a low voice. "What are you talkin' about?" I said, "I've been yours since the first time we were together. ""What I mean," he started, "is that you are completely mine now. I fucked your virgin ass and my cock is the only one that's gonna be in you. "He looked a little strange as he said this to me, like he was unsure of how I may respond. But I could tell he meant it. Obviously he didn't realize how I felt about that statement. I loved it. "That's what I want Kevin," I said, "just you. "We held each other and kissed deeply.

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   He pulled his now flassid cock out of my ass. When he did, I felt his cum start to seep out of me. "Um, I think I need a rag," I said. "No you don't. " He pushed one of my legs up and onto his shoulder as he slid down between them. He spread my ass cheeks wide and began licking up his cum that was oozing out of me. He started sucking my hole, sucking the rest of his semen from me. When he finished he came back up to my face and kissed me. The taste of his cum and my ass were all over him. It was delicious. "You like that bro?" he said, smiling. It hadn't taken him long at all to figure out how to play me. He knew I loved it. I was really wondering if he'd been with other guys. "I think.

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  . I think I'm in love with you", somehow I managed to say this to my brother, awkward as it sounded I felt I must tell him. "When you say I'm yours now, does that mean you're not gonna be with anyone else, too?""Yeah bro, just you", he said, "I don't wanna fuck anyone but you. "He held me close with my head on his chest, and we fell asleep in each other's arms once again. After that first time of him fucking me, we both wanted to do it more and more. He was fucking me almost every night, but I hadn't been inside him yet. A part of me really wanted to fuck him, but he'd assumed a dominant role from the very start. He had never offered to let me fuck him, and he knew how satisfied I was with him fucking me. We started going places together more than ever, we were becoming inseperable. It was difficult to not show our affections publicly, but we both knew the importance of keeping it 'our secret'. We both really got a thrill out of jacking each other in public places. It was so exciting to think that we could be caught by someone who knew us, but that never happened. We'd sit in a movie theater together rubbing each other's cocks, we'd go off to the bathroom together in restaurants and do each other in a stall. When he drove us places I often found my head in his lap as he drove, sucking on him. Sex in parks was also quite exciting.

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   The more times he fucked me though, the more dominant he became. I was definetly the "bitch". But that was ok with me, I liked him taking charge, telling me what to do and how to do it. One afternoon when we ended up at one of our favorite fuck spots at a park, he tried something new on me. He parked the car and we got out, and he announced that he had to take a piss. Many times he would just piss when we got in the woods, but he must've really had to go bad. He headed for the bathroom that was several yards from where he parked the car, and I followed. I stood next to my brother as he took out his cock in front of the urinal. Man, he had such a beautiful cock! I figured we probably wouldn't make it as far as the woods today, this john was just fine with me. I unzipped my pants and reached inside them and started playing with my half-hard dick. "Pull it out," he said, "Lemmie see that dick bro. "I pulled my jeans down a tiny bit and exposed my balls and cock to him, watching the stream of piss shoot from his dick while I stroked myself. It really turned me on to watch the pink head of his cock peek out from the foreskin as the hot stream rushed out from it. "Put your mouth on me man," he said as he put his hand on my head and pushed it twords his groin. I knelt beside him and he turned to me and put his pissing dick in my mouth.

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   What a different sensation this was! I was used to swallowing his cum, but he really flooded my mouth with all his urine. It was hard for me to swallow fast enough. "Ooh fuck man, that's awesome. Yeah, drink it all man. "He was really enjoying this, as was I. I felt like such a slave before him, as he did this dirty thing to me. I drank his piss till he was finished, and his cock hardened in my mouth. I continued to suck him, to get him ready to fuck me. "You liked that didn't you", he said as he slowly humped my face. "Yeah I did, and I really want you in me now", I said as I started twords one of the stalls. He followed me in and grabbed the waistband of my pants behind me and pulled them down to my knees. I put my hands on the back of the commode and hoisted one knee onto the toilet seat. He spread my ass open and squatted behind me, licking my ass, getting it ready for his hardness. "Mmmm I'm ready man. Give it to me please.

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  "He stood behind me and guided his meat inside my wanting ass. He took me by the hips and immidiatly started fucking me hard, thrusting into me deeply, making me whimper. The feel of his dick inside me always brought me to an almost immidiate climax. Alot of the time I didn't even mastrubate it at all, I'd be coming before I knew it. As he pumped me he reached under me and found my cock, ready to come. He squeezed it and then jerked it a couple times and I got off hard. I came all over his hand and into the toilet below us. "Ooh baby", he groaned, as I felt his cock expand and contract in me, shooting his load deep inside me. He thrust into me as deeply as he could and came and came. When the last of his ejaculation was finished, he leaned on my back, catching his breath. "Damn, your'e sweet," he said as he raised his hand to my mouth, putting his cum-soaked fingers on my lips. My tongue came out and licked his fingers clean, and he slowly pulled his cock from my ass. He squatted behide me once again and stuck his tongue up in me, sucking his milk out of me. Man, I can't tell you how much I loved it when he'd do that. He cleaned my ass off good, and then stood and turned me around.

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   He pulled me to him, and kissed me hard on the mouth. I felt like butter melting in his hot hands. I knew he felt the same way too. After several years of this ongoing secret love, my brother had saved up enough to get his own place. This was quite a huge event for him, for us I should say. Despite we had alot of privacy at our parents' home, we had been waiting a long time to have complete and total privacy. There was no question that I was moving with him, my parents had seen how close we'd grown over the last 4 years. But I was sure that they never suspected the half of it. They were always caught up in their own lives, and we were left to our own devices. We moved out together into a small apartment, but it was plenty of room for us. He bartended several nights a week and I had an apprenticship at a tattoo studio. We made enough between us to get by rather well, and still have enough free time for each other. When my brother was working, alot of the time it was late before he got in. He didn't make it a habit to drink heavily on the job, but one night he really overdid it, and came home completly shitfaced. One of his co-workers dropped him off that night.

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   I heard the bell and went to the door, thinking maybe he'd forgotten his key. There stood a strange guy holding my brother steady as he swayed in the doorway. "There was no way we were gonna let him drive home. "I guess not. "Thanks alot, His car still at work?""Yeah, can you come get it?"No problem, but I'd wait till tomorrow. Tonight I could see that Kevin'd need my attention. "Yeah, we'll get it tomorrow, thanks again dude. "The guy handed my brother over to me and turned to leave. I was really glad that he hadn't tried to drive. It was kinda funny seeing him in this state, I had rarely seen him like this before. I walked him back to our bedroom. "Hey bro, you feelin' ok?""Man, I'm fucked up", he said, sitting on the edge of the bed. "Hang on, I'll get ya some water. "I left the bedroom to fill a glass for him, I had heard that drinking water would help a hangover, which he'd undoubtedly have tomorrow, but maybe it would keep it from being so bad. When I came back from the kitchen, he was undressed and sprawled out on his belly on the bed.

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  "Here ya go, drink some of this. ""Mmm, I'm not thirsty. I'll drink some later", he said. "But I'd really love it if you'd rub my back some, I know that would make me feel better. "I straddled my brother's lower back, sitting just above his ass, and started massaging his shoulders. He moaned with pleasure as I rubbed and kneaded him. It seemed like he was already starting to sober up some. I looked at him as I rubbed him, admiring his broad back and shoulders, his toned muscles. Even though we were so close in age, he had definetly gotten the muscles and the size. He outweighed me by a good 40 pounds, and was a couple inches taller. A person would probably think there was more than a year between us because of our size differences. I loved his big strong man-body. I was his boy. As I sat on him and rubbed him more, I came down closer on his back, rubbing my chest on him. Letting him feel my hardened nipples as I squeezed his shoulders.

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   That wasn't the only part of me getting hard. And he felt that, too. "Oh yeah, that feels great man", he said. I moved down a little from where I was sitting on his lower back and positioned my hard cock between his cheeks. I started moving back and forth just a little, rubbing my cock on his ass. He spread his legs a little bit without saying anything. I had really never entertained the idea of being on top of him. He was always the top-man, but it seemed like that might change now. I layed all the way down on his broad back and put my legs out behind me. He spread open even more, inviting me to fuck him. I continued to hump him, with more assuredness as I got more excited. I moved down between his legs and started licking his hole. Spreading his cheeks open with both hands, I buried my face in his ass, probing with my tongue, getting him ready to recieve me. "You gonna fuck me, little brother?""Yeah man, you think you can take it?"He started giggling when I said that, and I started wondering if it wasn't purely the alcohol making him want to get fucked. I didn't want to be taking advantage of him.

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   But I was so ready to go, and at least, I thought, the alcohol would make it a little less intense for him. I was very accoustomed to having his dick inside me, matter of fact I derived so much pleasure from it. It always made me come when he fucked me, but I didn't know if it would feel the same for him. We were about to find out. I stopped tonguing him and raised up on my knees between his legs. I took my cock in one hand and spit on my fingers of the other, spreading it on the head of my cock, making it nice and slippery. He raised his ass off the bed a little and said, "C'mon, What are you waiting for bro?"I felt for his hole with my hand, and then started to guide my cock into his tiny opening. I pushed the head just inside and he gasped, I don't think he realized what he was in for. "Is it ok?" I asked, waiting before I went any further. "Yeah man, I want you to do me", so I pushed further inside him. I couldn't believe how tight and hot it was inside him. He was going to get off easy, I could already tell. There was no way I could last long at all with his ass wrapped around me like that. I pushed in more and he moaned, and raised off the bed farther to meet my cock with his ass. I was all the way inside him now, my balls against his.

 

   He got to his knees and I put my hands on his hips and started fucking him slowly. All the way in, all the way out. "Oh fuck yeah man, that's good. . Yeah, I like that", he said. "Fuck me faster bro. "I knew if I did I'd be coming, I was trying my best to go slow and hold on and enjoy this awesome feeling of being inside him. He started grinding his hips against me and I grabbed him tighter and started pumping him hard. This was like sensation overload for me, I was in total ecstacy, but in my passion I thought of how he'd reach under me and play with my cock while he fucked me, so I did the same. I reached underneath his belly and found his hard cock and squeezed. I jerked him while his virgin ass ate my dick, and that was it. It was just too much for me, he felt too good. He was grunting and panting and sweating under me, and the feel of his hardness in my hand and his ass enveloping my dick made me feel the cum well up in my balls. I slammed deep inside my brother and what felt like tons of cum shot from my cock, spurt after spurt, until it felt like there was no more left. "Mmm.

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  . . ohh yeahh. . fuck that's awesome. ""Damn, bro, didn't know you had it in you," he said as I rested my spent body on his back. My cock started to soften in him, but his was still rock-hard in my hand. I started to pull out of him, and as I did I watched as my cum started leaking from his now-stretched ass. I did like he always did with me, and lowered my face to his ass and started licking and sucking all of my cum from him. As I did this, he grabbed his dick and started to jack it hard. I put my face between his legs and turned to face his cock, positioning myself so he could fuck my mouth. My tongue lapped his cockhead as he jacked it, and he shoved it in my wanting mouth. He held the back of my head in the palm of his hand and humped my face hard, but then stopped suddenly to change positions. He started to scoot down and I scooted up on the bed. I raised my legs up on either side of him, exposing my ass to him.

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   He spat on his hand and lubed his cock with it, and rammed his huge cock into me. He fucked me like a bull. He was doing me so hard, so feverishly. I wondered again if it was the alcohol, but it didn't matter to me. I loved this! He was giving it to me like never before, despite the pain from his violent humping I loved it. I almost felt like I was gonna come again, even though my cock wasn't hard. He wasn't able to last long either, with his hard speed-fucking. He slammed deep inside me and held it there as he came all over my guts, pressed all the way up against me. It couldn't possibly get any deeper. That feeling I had of almost coming turned out to be something else. Without any warning, I started pissing on myself as he shot his load in me. I started to reach down and squeeze my cockhead, to make it stop, but he looked down as I wet the bed and said, "No, man, go ahead. " He stayed inside me and watched as I pissed on myself, obviously enjoying it. "Fucked the piss outta ya, huh?""Oh, man, that was really intense", I managed after I appeared to be finished pissing. I felt a little embarrassed, this had never happened before, but he let me know that it didn't bother him at all.

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   He stayed inside me for a little longer than usual, not doing the usual collapsing-on-the-bed routine. I felt him going soft inside me, and then I felt him start to fill my ass with his hot piss. I looked up at him, suprised. "Sorry man, when ya gotta go, ya gotta go", he said, smiling down at me. What a bizarre feeling. I loved it, it was so hot and wet, and there just wasn't enough room in my ass for it all. After just a second it started squirting out of me around his cock. Well I guess the bed was aleady wet anyway, huh. "Man, Kevin, you're so hot. I love the way you do me. And, my God, I loved fuckin' you. ""Yeah, that was intense. " He leaned down and kissed me hard on the mouth as he finished pissing inside me. He lay down on top of me, my wet belly warmed by his. He held me there, kissing me for a few more minutes, before he said, "Alright, let's get a shower.

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  "We both got up from the wet bed and headed for the bathroom. Even though our shower wasn't very big, I loved squeezing in it with him. Most of the time our showers together were strictly for washing, because of the lack of space. But it was always a great feeling, to soap each other up, feel our wet bodies against each other, kiss as the water splattered on our backs. We washed each other quickly, this sobered him up more than anything. He seemed to be feeling alright though. I know I did, I was still in disbelief that I'd just fucked him. I wondered how he felt about it now. "So did you like that man?" I asked. "Which part? I loved it all. Don't think that it happened because I'd been drinking, I have been thinking about it for awhile. I just wasn't sure of how to relinquish that power to ya, you're so used to being bottom and all, I wasn't sure if you'd be into it or not actually. ""Well now ya know. . .

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  feel free anytime to give me that ass", I said as I chuckled. We got out of the shower and toweled off, and returned to the bed that was soaked. We decided to sleep together on the couch that night, and also to invest in a waterproof mattress pad. I fell asleep in his arms like a baby. He held me close and breathed on my neck as he fell asleep. It was so wonderful. After that night my brother came home drunk a little more often, not that it was a regular occourance, but it happened every so often. The bar he worked at didn't seem like your normal type tavern. There were some people who frequented the place that appeared to lead alternative lifestyles. Not that it was a gay bar, but the kind of place you could be comfortable in no matter what your orientation. I went up to meet him one night at the time when he'd be ready to call last call. I walked in and was greeted by the doorman. I looked behind the bar, but didn't see Kevin there. I went and took a seat at the bar and another employee came over and asked what I'd have. I ordered a beer, and asked where my brother was.

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  "Oh he's in the stockroom downstairs. You wanna go down there?"The guy pointed me twords the stairs and I took my beer and headed down them. I wondered for a minute if this looked weird, me going down to get him instead of just waiting for him to come back up, but I figured no one was noticing such things. I had learned to be alot less self concious, to worry less about what others may think. I headed down the steps. When I got down there, it was evident that my brother hadn't heard my footsteps. There he was, being kissed and embraced by some little faggot-looking motherfucker. I didn't know what to do or say. I was so pissed off. I couldn't believe my eyes. I cleared my throat and they both stopped, turning to look at me. My brother's eyes met mine and he was just as shocked as I was. .
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